Today a squirrel charged me and chased me down the sidewalk. Running, I yelled, “Ah! A squirrel is chasing me!”–partly to express my surprise, and partly to explain to any bystanders why I suddenly broke into a sprint. No one noticed, cared, or came to my aid.

The squirrel stopped his pursuit after about 15 feet and stared at me with the hollow eyes of an ice cold murderer.

The end.

(Actual biology/educational content coming soon. I swear.)