I’ve told you how I feel about extinction. I think it’s poop. I’ve also mentioned an extinct, human-sized penguin called Anthropornis grandis. I wish I could have seen one of these super penguins. But they aren’t the only bygone species I wish I could meet. Let me introduce you to my extinct, would-be friends, the Diprotodon and Megatherium.

Diprotodon

You may have heard of these “mega wombats.” They were the largest marsupial that ever existed.

Last year in Australia, scientists found the most complete skeleton of one ever. These creatures were about 6′ tall like the super penguins, but with their 10′ length and 2,000-lb frame, they weren’t human-sized, but rather car-sized. Wombats these days are 60-or-so lbs. They need to eat more.

Superwombies came on the scene around 1.6 million years ago and went extinct some time between 25,000 and 45,000 years ago. Their disappearance happens to coincide with the arrival of humans in Australia. These early humans totally squandered the opportunity to have biological cars

and seem to have chosen to eat all of them instead. What a tragedy.

Oh, the giant sloth. So giant, so slothy, so extinct. How I wish I could see one alive. Their tiny modern day relatives are so cute and awkward, I can’t even imagine what a hot mess the giant ones may have been.

They resemble an odd ancient bear: a bulky, hairy beast that walks on 4 legs, but can stand on hind legs for dramatic effect. But while a grizzly bear is 7′ tall when he stands up, a giant sloth was 20′ tall.

Don’t’ be afraid; these guys were herbivores. Although that doesn’t necessarily mean they were harmless. They might sit on you.

Giant sloths lived in North America up until about 10,000 years ago. I bet you can guess what happened at that time. Yes, humans arrived. Sigh. Well, at least we haven’t changed much.