Plastic is like the friend you make at a party who seems really cool in the moment, but when you get coffee with him some afternoon and there’s no booming music or dancing, you realize that he’s actually just kind of a tool.

We met plastic in the 50s when chemists found cheap ways to make it, and we lost no time finding a million uses for it. Of course, now that plastic is impossible to avoid, we’re becoming fully aware of just what a toolbag it really is.

This stuff never degrades. It can’t go back into nature and be useful for anyone. Paper products can be broken down. The metal products we make like glass and ceramic can become harmless sand again. But plastic doesn’t change.

All plastic can do is change its location. If you throw it away (as opposed to recycling), it might sit in a landfill (forever), or it could be moved by wind or rain or rivers or badgers to the ocean. And sadly, that is often the case.

When plastic winds up in the ocean, it floats on the surface where fish, birds, turtles, and sea mammals may eat it or get trapped in it. And because of circular ocean currents, there is a gigantic garbage whirlpool forming in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

The North Pacific Gyre has become the Pacific Garbage Patch. (Warning: Refrain from doing a google image search for “North Pacific Gyre” if you have a weak stomach.)

I don’t want to harp any longer on what a poopface plastic is and how much I sometimes wish no one had ever thought of it. Instead, I’d like to discuss ways to lessen its consumption.

When plastics are reusable, such as plastic storage containers, or long-term fixtures in your routine, like your alarm clock, that’s not so bad. They stay in your house, and odds are you’ll recycle them when it does come time to replace them. The real threats to the ocean are plastic disposables, and these are maddeningly common.

I’m going to survive for one week without using any disposable plastic. I will not buy anything that comes wrapped in plastic. I will not eat out of plastic. I will throw no plastic away. (But I will type on this plastic keyboard.)

I’ll let you know in a week how it goes. I already know that things like yogurt will be impossible to eat this coming week without a yogurt maker (which also happens to be made of plastic… ugh). But I’m sure there are things I haven’t thought of yet that will be difficult. I’ll report back in a week on my battle with plastic.