Mitosis

Cells don’t have sex.  Not usually, anyway.  To make more cells they just split themselves in half.  They don’t use a cleaver or a bomb strapped to their chest; they do it in the most civilized of ways…

…dividing the cell parts equally and pinching off in the middle to form two new cells (well, not new, but not really old either… used? pre-owned?),  so really it sounds more like a peaceful divorce settlement than cell reproduction.

I think the term mitosis is a little off-putting for people.  It’s one of those science terms that seems unnecessarily alienating.  People see “mitosis,” and their eyes glaze over, and their hearts fill with anti-science rage.  Sigh.  Oh, scientists.  Why don’t you name things better?  You should have called it splittage or pinchosis–if you really have to end it with “osis” at all.  It would really work better as an “osity,” as in morecellosity or not-one-but-two-cell-osity.

Now, I don’t want anyone thinking that splitting other things in half will be a good way to make more of them.  Learn from my mistakes, people.  If you cut the following objects in half, you will not get 2 new whole ones, but instead, a single mangled one:

1.  Teddy bears

2.  Pet fish

3.  Computers

4.  Couches

5.  Sandwiches*

*but please do this if you really do want 2 easily-eaten, half-sandwiches.  I highly recommend this method of sandwich enjoyment.